Open House, Closed Minds

A Play in One Act

Lights up on a classroom. Parents are milling out of the room after a presentation by the handsome young teacher. One mom lingers to talk one-on-one.

MOM: Hi, I just wanted to thank you for teaching here. My daughter loves your class.

ME: Oh, that’s very nice to hear.

MOM: You seem compassionate and excited, and I think you’re going to teach my daughter a lot this year.

ME: How nice, thank you.

MOM: Anyway, I just wanted to meet you, and thank you for what you do, and ask you a question that I ask of all my daughter’s teachers: what’s your religious background?

ME: … huh?

MOM: Your religious background. Are you religious?

ME: … I’d rather not talk about that while I’m at work.

MOM: Okay.

The mom smiles and leaves. The teacher stands, bewildered, then runs off to find a couple of colleagues in the hall to gossip.

ME: I just had a mom ask me what my religious background was.

COLLEAGUE #1: What?!

COLLEAGUE #2: That’s crazy!

ME: Okay, so that’s not a regular thing here? I thought maybe it was some odd local custom.

COLLEAGUE #1: No, that’s never happened to me.

COLLEAGUE #2: Who is her daughter?

The teacher shows them the daughter's name on the roll.

COLLEAGUE #1: Seriously? I have her first period and the mom didn’t ask me that.

COLLEAGUE #2: I also have her, and the mom didn’t say anything like that to me either.

ME: … Then what the hell is going on? Do I have horns, or something? Is the Inquisition localized to fourth period teachers? Is there something about me that makes her think I’m going to throw her daughter into a volcano?

COLLEAGUE #1: …

COLLEAGUE #2: …

Fin