Monday, July 31, 2006

Massage Guy

OK, since I made such a big deal about the directions in New England being ridiculous compared to the rest of the world, I had to post this. It's been a while since I wrote these down, but I'll do the best I can.

The directions to the massage guy in Belchertown, from his mouth:

OK, it's about 15 minutes from the bridge. Do you know which one I'm talking about? OK. About 5 minutes from Hampshire. Does that help? Right. After the bridge, just past the Getty gas station, take the right fork. Drive until you see a stop sign on your right. That's Bay Road. OK, take a right at the stop sign. And go two miles down that road. It's Bay Road. Right. Now, you're going to see a blinking light. Go past that. The road curves. Just follow the curve, don't worry, it'll get straight again. Then you're going to take Bay Road left (towards Hampshire College). Do you know where that is? Drive about three or four miles and you'll see Atkins Fruit Farm. Don't turn there. Go straight. After that, there will be a cross in the road, the road comes to an X, there are some streets that come together in a cross. Bear left on that. No no, take the right fork of the X. It'll lead you downhill - that's Bay Road. You're going to see a storage shed facility. Do you know what I mean? One of those places where people keep their stuff when they have too much stuff and it doesn't fit in their house? OK, past the storage shed facility is an intersection. You're going to take Old Bay Road left. I'm in the gray house with blue trim. It's a gray and blue house. There're a lot of bushes out front, you might not see it, but it's gray and blue. Do you know how to get to that bridge I was talking about?


Much New England love,
Emily

5 Comments:

At 2:09 PM, Blogger Sandy Mack said...

Apparently posting to shakesmith is simply beyond my feeble powers (I can't find anything "in the upper left" that is supposed to let me post), so, Emily, I'm using your much more interesting posting to let people know I uploaded 12 pictures from the JC play last Saturday. At kodakgallery.com
Try not to die of the heat, apply to the classroom well, and do wondrous work next year at school! Sandy Mack

 
At 12:18 AM, Blogger Shakespeare Teacher said...

I do not understand the joke. This is exactly the way I give directions, only mine are even more involved and include even weirder landmarks. Is this not the way to provide directions? --Mimi

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger educat said...

Mimi, that makes me wonder how I got here from the airport. It's also worth noting that even Emily (who knows not her left from her right) found the comedic genius in this prose.

No, in middle America, we use street names and such.

 
At 12:54 AM, Blogger Emily said...

Here on the other coast, we say things like, "Take the 10 west to La Cienega. Turn left off the offramp, then take a left on La Cienega, which is the first light. Turn right on Washington, then right on Fay and my house is at the top of the street on your left hand side."

I think I got all my rights and lefts correct on that one. Anyone who's looking for my house just solved their problem.

-Em

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger Shakespeare Teacher said...

Here on the other coast, we say things like, "Take the 10 west to La Cienega. Turn left off the offramp, then take a left on La Cienega, which is the first light. Turn right on Washington, then right on Fay and my house is at the top of the street on your left hand side."

I think I got all my rights and lefts correct on that one. Anyone who's looking for my house just solved their problem.

-Em

 

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